Stephen Kruiser: The Mouth Of America

Wednesday, March 21, 2007

Polar Bear Swim Lessons

Al Gore brought his Greenhouse Gas Hysteria Tour to Capitol Hill today. It would appear that he burned a lot of jet fuel to get his message across to some fawning House and Senate members: one look at the ever-expanding Gore was enough to let us know that he sure as hell didn't walk there. Using stunningly scientific language, Gore explained that the planet "has a fever." No word on whether that temperature was obtained with an oral or rectal thermometer. Maybe he went to Iran and used the armpit method. If Al keeps gaining weight at this pace earth is going to get a hernia too.

You want to know what would really heat the planet up? Kim Jong-il and Mahmoud Ahmadinejad firing off a couple of rogue nukes to exact revenge for not being able to get laid unless threating death to the lucky gals.

But-hey- let's worry about the Hummers instead. I know Hillary probably does whenever she leaves Bill home alone.