Run Along Now, 2007...

Travel, illness and a new Nintendo Wii have kept ANM quiet for a week or so. Little things like that won't get in the way as we move into an election year and expand our horizons. Even if I should find myself alone on a melting glacier with only Al Gore's blubber to use for fuel I promise to deliver.

December 31st is a godsend to anyone who writes about topical things. It provides an opportunity to do a "Year In Review" piece which is much easier than thinking of new stuff. So, with my sore Wii elbow, here I go with the recap.

• An election year shouldn't be longer than a year. We Americans pride ourselves on demonstrating a peaceful transfer of power to the world every four or eight years. It's so peaceful that we've now turned it into a never ending transfer of power. This campaign for a new president began shortly after lunch on Inauguration Day 2005. Well according to The Madame, it began in kindergarten for Barack Obama. Still, just days away from the Iowa caucuses we find ourselves with no clear picture of how it's all going to shake out. So this painfully protracted campaign season did nothing more than keep Ron Paul supporters from downloading too much porn and making the rest of us long for the brevity of a military coup. 
• Al Gore may be a bigger threat to freedom than Osama bin Laden. When I said things like this at the beginning of the year I was being somewhat tongue-in-cheek about them. Unfortunately, events of the year have propelled the Bloated One ever closer to convincing our own lawmakers to hijack the U.S. economy with "cap and trade" schemes. In classic terrorist fashion, he wields power by whipping up as much fear as possible. If Prince Albert the Hysterical has his way, we will have a dysfunctional hybrid ('cause the Eco-Stalins love their hybrids!) socialist economy that will leave us more vulnerable than at any time since the beginning of the Revolutionary War. For once, it's time to go after the messenger. How prevalent has this brainwashing become? While looking for airfares online the other day I was prompted to "Go Green" and purchase a "Terra Pass". Terra Pass is a scam that ranks right up there with psychic hotlines. You give them free money, they pass it on to support crap that can't compete in an open marketplace and you get your hippie conscience eased in return. I think my first bumper sticker of 2008 will be "Terra Pass Can Kiss My Ass". 
• Libertarians seem to only be able to deliver their message via fruitcake. Make no mistake, the Libertarians do have some good ideas. They want to overhaul the tax code, get us out of the UN and nuke the Dept. of Education. It's a system that has a lot of good ideas for domestic problems but turns rather juvenile when applied to international relations ("I'm going to go to my room and lock the door...don't bother me!). For several elections now, the Libertarian star has been Ron Paul, who they've recently dressed up as a Republican. He has developed huge support among younger cyber geeks. This can probably be attributed to the fact that Libertarians are also big on legalizing marijuana. The problem with Paul, like most Libertarian point men from the past, is that he seems like the kind of guy you really wouldn't want to leave alone with any sharp dining utensils. We're over a year into this thing and I'm not sure I've heard him directly answer a question yet. His eyes dart around a lot and he always appears to be listening to the voices in his head for commands from the Mother Ship. Fortunately, a lot of Libertarian support is absent on election day because most of its fans are too stoned to remember to vote. If you simply give a bag of Doritos to a Paul supporter he'll be too distracted to get to the polls.
• We may soon elect our first non-human president. Sorry kids, I'm going to need to see some medical records because I'm still not convinced that Mrs. Clinton is breathing. When I first saw her smile and laugh the monsters from "Alien vs. Predator" seemed like cuddly Disney characters in comparison. What she has proven most adept at since being spawned into the spotlight all those years ago is destroying people who dare interfere with her political ambition. Yet there are people who appear to be very devoted to Her Missusness. I'm sure that their loved ones will be returned to them safely once the election is in hand. 
• The Lynne Spears book on parenting was probably a bad idea. Finally, a family to make the Lohans feel morally superior! Lynne Spears gives a whole new meaning to "getting the girls ready for bed". There is, however, something very old fashioned about Jamie Lynn wanting to have three or four kids before she's old enough to drink. 
• All celebrity plane tickets to visit Hugo Chavez should be one-way. Let Danny Glover, Sean Penn, Oliver Stone and any other celeb who wants to hang with Hugo do it on a permanent basis. They can form an "artists collective", grow their own weed and blame the United States for everything all day long. Oh wait, that's really no different from their lives in LA. Never mind. 
• Oprah needs to hush. She doesn't even pick very good books most of the time and she's responsible for Dr. Phil. Seriously people, let's not let her help pick a president. 
• Even in an off year, being an American still kicks ass. You have to admit, this is still a pretty good gig. We have that rare blend of superpower swagger, affordable beer and and an abundance of convenience stores that make this the place to be. The NFL is still ours too. At least until the New England Patriots suck all the fun out of it. 

Happy New Year everyone. Be safe and, for Heaven's sake, don't let any girls from the Spears family kiss you at midnight.

Pulling Harry's Head Out

Harry Reid (D-George Bush's Fault!) is whining again. Now, his scowling tantrums really aren't any more surprising than finding out one of the Spears sisters is knocked up but there was one little moment in a recent interview that made it appear as if Reid had decided to end the year by thinking for the first time since coming to power. 

In an interview with The Online News Hour Reid kind of/sort of admitted that the surge in Iraq was working. This is significant because Reid has thus far proven himself to be the most fact-resistant politician in America. He's so unfamiliar with the obvious that one can easily imagine him standing at the bottom of the Pacific Ocean and saying "It's not wet at all down here."

Of course, Reid didn't exactly give a ringing endorsement of the surge saying, "it certainly hasn't hurt. It's helped. I recognize that." Then, as if he feared an allergic reaction to saying something positive about the United States Reid went right back into his psychotically disconnected diatribe mode. 

Harry Reid suffers from a vocabulary problem. He seems to understand the words "Senate" and "Majority" in his title but is completely confounded by the word "Leader". If you follow "Leader" with "by example" he gets all kinds of perplexed.

The man has proven adept at nothing more than blaming Republicans for everything. He probably sees a GOP conspiracy when he runs out of toilet paper at home. He spends much of the rest of this interview doing the Democrat Dance of Irony in which be blames Republicans for everything but the Peloponnesian War then says the only way to get things done is in a bipartisan manner. Naturally, "bipartisan" means "Republicans caving into every lunatic socialist idea we have..." in this case. 

Honesty is another hallmark most people like in their leaders. In this interview, Reid flat-out lies about what President Bush thinks about global warming. 

Harry Reid suffers from the same confusion that the other Democratic leaders do in that he confuses "the American People" with "my Democratic supporters".  They speak with an authority about what the American people want while almost half of said people are sitting here screaming "Shut up!"

As with every other interview I've seen with not-so-honest Harry, he seems to keep pulling things out of his ass to support his twisted fantasy of what the American public wants to hear. The only thing he never pulls out of there is his head. 

I don't think that's a very good look for a leader.

Huckenstein

The (insert appropriate adjective here-"meteoric"/"stunning"/"creepy") rise of Mike Huckabee (R-Yuk-Yuk) is playing out like the scene in "Frankenstein" where the newly created monster sends the villagers into a panic. The villagers in this case are represented by GOP voters who actually want to win the general election. 

Everyone expected this to be a wild race for the nomination but the escape of Huckenstein to the top of the polls has voters considering all kinds of doomsday scenarios. 

Tony Blankley writes today about the Republicans heading to a brokered convention now because of the Huckfest. Part two of a brilliant imagining of such a scenario is posted at Rightwing Nuthouse today. Apparently, we were guaranteed having a true front runner emerge from the previous top tier GOP candidates but the sheer randomness of Aw-Shucks Mike's emergence is a harbinger of certain chaos. 

I'm not so sure.

I have hope that a different scenario will emerge now and I have no real reason to believe that it will other than my gut telling me that it could. Bear in mind that I use my gut to pick lottery numbers too and that hasn't worked out so well yet. 

Here's my political Christmas wish. It's obvious that Huckabee is scaring sentient Republican voters. These voters have spent the endless pre-primary season whining about not knowing who to get behind. Bloggers seem to be largely united behind Fred Thompson. Evangelicals are glomming on to Huckabee now. Those with easy access to a bong love Ron Paul. There are, unfortunately, a lot of GOP voters who don't fall into any of those categories and they need to have their heads take a trip out of whatever dark places they've shoved them. If we're lucky, the news of Huckabee's disturbing surge will reach those dark recesses and spur them into action.

A little indecision is OK. Jumping off the side of a tall building in a panic because you can't make up your mind is the kind of thing that gets people like Hillary Clinton elected. It's time for the GOP to unite behind an electable candidate (sorry, Mitt fans) and prove that it can't be hijacked by one fringe wing of the party. 

Let's fire up the torches and go after this monster once and for all.

Because there is a bigger, scarier one waiting in the Democratic shadows after Huckenstein is dispatched. 

Cross posted at Real Clear Politics (VOTE for it!)

Does He Ever?

Ed Koch, my favorite Democrat from New York, asks a good question at Real Clear Politics today. It's one every person sane enough to think and burn carbon at the same time should ask:

"Does Al Gore Know What He's Talking About?"

That question never does get asked by millions of Climate Commies because their lips are affixed to Gore's ever expanding derriere. Should they ever disengage those lips and engage the ability to think critically they may very well ask it.

The man has a history of playing fast and loose with facts dating back to his days as inventor of the Internet. He's a b.s. blurter, that Al. He's been that way ever since he got done building the Ark for Noah. 

There are two paths you can take when pondering the alleged climate crisis. You can believe

in the Gore-as-deity Consensus Myth or you can read. There's plenty of documentation about Prince Albert's truth troubles out there but it's hard to find when you're blinded by the glow of his halo. 

Does Al Gore know what he's talking about? That depends, is "hypocrisy" the subject? Thus far, that's the only thing he's proven himself to be an expert on. 

She, Robot

Ugh. I arrived in Anchorage on Monday afternoon just in time to see the sun set before 4:00 PM. It's early Tuesday morning now and a balmy one degree. I started to think, "Can anything really be darker and colder than this?" 

Then I remembered, "Oh yeah, she's running for president!"

Her Royal Ruthlessness has decided that she needs to show her softer side. She's bringing a bunch of friends and her mother out on the campaign trail to send a new message to the American people. What exactly is the message? 

"Look everybody, I actually have friends and a mother!"

As a bonus, The Madame had some actual human tears show up on the same day as her friends and mother. Hmm...

It would seem that the Clinton campaign is worried that voters might find John Edwards a more feminine alternative and decided to fight back with tears. 

You know what's  a shame? 

This is the kind of thing that would be perfect for Oprah.