The Fembot and the Fumbler

After two weeks of sadistically giving false hope to the likes of Bill Richardson (D-Invisible) and Chris Dodd (D-Why Am I Here?), Hillary Clinton (D-Testosterone) reclaimed her masculine side and restored order at the Democrat's debate. John Edwards (D-Up In Your Business) is once again the only woman making a historical bid for the presidency.

I've been trying not to pay attention to these things (either party's) because I never like the various formats. These debates are nothing more than amateur political porn, with each candidate trying to excite donors just enough to make them pay to see more.

Hillary did actually have a chick moment when she complained about being "personally attacked." Oh stop. I don't want a president who is going to stomp her feet and ride a wave of estrogen out of the room whenever someone says something she doesn't like. She sounds like an aggrieved crack addict mom on Jerry Springer when she whines like this.

The sharp contrast between her experience and Saint Obama's (D-Not Much There) lack thereof was shown when the illegal license lovefest was brought up again. Obama's problems inevitably arise when he ceases being the smiling guy on the magazine covers and becomes a three dimensional figure who has to say stuff. When the subject can be approached with vague, obvious generalities ("All children should be young and happy!"), Obie's quite the charmer. If specifics are involved, the saying of the stuff becomes a problem.

After attacking a wounded Future Madame President for two weeks about her licenses for illegals flip-flops one would have presumed that Obama would have thought through some coherent ideas of his own on the subject. Ah, but the conveying of the ideas requires the saying of the stuff.

The reason that Democrats have a hard time with the illegal immigration issue is that they're required by their handlers over at MoveOn.org and The Daily Kos to avoid the, well, illegality of it all. It's difficult to make a logical argument for or against anything when you have to pretend the very essence of the argument isn't there.

Here are some excerpts from the debate that illustrate how the Sainted One managed to undo whatever momentum he'd gotten going against The Pantsuit. We'll begin with Wolf Blitzer's question.

MR. BLITZER: All right. I want to just press you on this point because it's a logical follow-up, and then I want to go and ask everyone. On the issue that apparently tripped up Senator Clinton earlier, the issue of driver's licenses for illegal immigrants, I take it, Senator Obama, you support giving driver's licenses to illegal immigrants. Is that right?

SEN. OBAMA: When I was a state senator in Illinois, I voted to require that illegal aliens get trained, get a license, get insurance to protect public safety. (Scattered applause.) That was my intention. And -- but I have to make sure that people understand the problem we have here is not drivers licenses. Undocumented workers don't come here to drive. (Laughter.) They don't go -- they're not coming here to go to the In-N-Out Burger. That's not the reason they're here. They're here to work. And so instead of being distracted by what has now become a wedge issue, let's focus on actually solving the problem that --

MR. BLITZER: All right.

SEN. OBAMA: -- this administration, the Bush administration, has done nothing about.

Translation: "Nonsense, nonsense, nonsense...Bush's fault!"

In-N-Out Burger? You can almost imagine a voice in his head screaming "Why can't I just shut up-oh no-am I still talking? Please make it go away!"

It gets better. He should have asked for a blindfold and a firing squad at this point, it would have been more humane.

MR. BLITZER: Well, let's go through everybody because I want to be precise. I want to make sure the viewers and those of us who are here fully understand all of your positions on this.

Barring, avoiding, assuming there isn't going to be comprehensive immigration reform, do you support or oppose drivers licenses for illegal immigrants?

SEN. OBAMA: I am not proposing that that's what we do. What I'm saying is that we can't -- (interrupted by laughter). No, no, no, no, look, I have already said I support the notion that we have to deal with public safety and that drivers licenses at the state level can make that happen. But what I also --

MR. BLITZER: All right.

SEN. OBAMA: But what I also know, Wolf, is that if we keep on getting distracted by this problem, then we are not solving it.

Translation: "I'm not saying that's what we should do but I've already said that's what we should do."

Who preps him for these things-Miss Teen South Carolina?

Blitzer then explains to them that this is a "yes" or "no" question and asks them to answer accordingly. Here's what happened when he got to Obie:

Senator Obama, yes or no?

SEN. OBAMA: Yes.

"He did it! Our little guy finally rode his bike without falling!"

His Blessedness was seemingly out of the woods. He'd given the one word answer required of him then shut up. Seconds later, as if allergic to shutting up, he started to say stuff again. He wants to be president but he can't grasp a complex notion like "yes or no question." The verbal diarrhea continued:

MR. BLITZER: Okay. (Applause.)

SEN. OBAMA: I am going to be fighting for comprehensive immigration reform, and we shouldn't pose the question that somehow we can't achieve that. I believe that the American people desperately want it. That's what I'm going to be fighting for as president.

MR. BLITZER: Senator Clinton?

SEN. CLINTON: No.

Game, set, pantsuit.

The main action happened between Hillary, St. Obama and Fluffy Edwards. The other guys were so removed that I kept expecting CNN to install a window on stage that they could stand behind and press their noses against to watch the actual candidates.

Mrs. Clinton, no doubt, probably went to sleep rather easily after this one. Sadly, Barack Obama is going to be awake for another day or two while he finishes explaining his one word answer.

Cross posted at Real Clear Politics (Vote for it!)

John Edwards' Caucasian Conundrum

The last blog posted here was spent lamenting the interminable length of this presidential election cycle. I now have to admit that I have one not-so-guilty pleasure that's just come about during the last month: each week now brings some gift-wrapped stupidity from the mouth of Elizabeth Edwards. I check the news every weekday with the joyful curiosity of a five year-old shaking an unopened Christmas present.

Much of the focus on the Edwards campaign has been on Johnny Hair-Boy's remarkably insincere attempt to be the rich white guy who feels the pain of poor minorities. However, the real fun over at Camp Caucasian is waiting to see what Mrs. Hair-Boy will say next. This week finds Loopy Liz lamenting the fact that, for marketing purposes, her husband's $400 salon treatments can't transform him into an African-American female. This seems to be the reason why they rely so much on the Web. It would appear that there is a glass ceiling for insanely wealthy white guys when it comes to television advertising.

Quoth Mrs. Hair-Boy, "We can't make John black, we can't make him a woman. Those things get you a lot of press, worth a certain amount of fundraising dollars. Now it's nice to get on the news, but not the be all and end all."

My, my...what a concisely bundled little message of racism and sexism. If that same quote had come from any of the GOP campaigns CNN would have hired sky writers and Sean Penn to get the message out. This is an insidious double standard in America: Democrats can be racists and sexists because they are the ones who say they want to fight racism and sexism. How do they do this? Through a never ending supply of federal programs that purport to help but really do nothing more than encourage the kind of tokenism displayed by Mrs. Hair-Boy's enlightened liberal comments.

The Republican candidates are willing to attack Sens. Clinton and Obama on what they say and do rather than what they are. Where they see legitimate opponents Mrs. Edwards sees a black guy and an uppity broad.

Hate to tell you this Liz, but both of them have well oiled campaigns and actual messages they want to get out. In the long run, the world doesn't care that your husband hates Bill O'Reilly. Our real enemies are in Iran, Iraq and some caves scattered throughout Afghanistan, not at the Newscorp building in Manhattan. The serious candidates address and debate these very real issues.

The increasingly marginal candidates scream about the Curse of Whitey over the whining of a blow dryer.

Obamaworld

OK, I know Barack Obama smokes. I don't know what he smokes and I don't know if he's getting it from Howard Dean but the guy is growing loopier by the day. As the anointed darling of the Hollywood Socialist Republic, Sen. Obama can almost be forgiven for confusing celebrity with substance. No doubt that he has tons of the former. As for the latter, he's going to need Oprah to take some of that $260 million she made last year and buy him some in a hurry.

Obama's appeal has always been that he is camera-ready. He's a charmer. If he weren't running against Bill Clinton's cyborg half, the senator would be compared to him all the time. Instead, Democrats keep invoking JFK (and they complain about the Republicans bringing up Reagan all the time). His campaign has brought in more money than a partnership between Bill Gates and God.

But he hasn't budged in the polls.

So, Sen. Obama has decided to start saying stuff. Until now, most of his rhetoric has been the sort of broad-themed, feel good cotton candy that Democrats love. Better education. Better health care for-as always-EVERYONE. Better ways to tell an enemy exactly when and how you plan to give up on a war. Oops, he actually has put in some thought on that last one. Like the Democratic party of the last twenty years, Obama's ideas have been heavy on the tugging of heart strings and light on the details.

This week the early debate season took its toll and Obama started with the aforementioned stuff. He said a President Obama would be willing to meet with the leaders of North Korea, Cuba and Iran in his first year in office. Time permitting, he might squeeze in a little badminton with Hugo Chavez. My mind is still reeling that the words came out of his mouth and he thought they formed a good idea. There are all kinds of things I want the next President of the United States to do with Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, lunch isn't one of them.

Feeling that he was on roll after proposing the Summit From Hell, Obama went on to beef up his foreign policy street cred. He told a group of media and entertainment types that he thought his judgment in that area was superior to that of any other candidate in the field. Why? Because he has lived in other places. Seen the U.S. "...through the eyes of people outside our borders," and things like that. Hey-John McCain lived in Hanoi for five and a half years. That's gotta count for something, right Barack? What about all that time Dennis Kucinich has spent on Neptune?

I don't know about you but I'm going to look for a president who sees the United States through the eyes of an American no matter where he his.