Run Along Now, 2007...

Travel, illness and a new Nintendo Wii have kept ANM quiet for a week or so. Little things like that won't get in the way as we move into an election year and expand our horizons. Even if I should find myself alone on a melting glacier with only Al Gore's blubber to use for fuel I promise to deliver.

December 31st is a godsend to anyone who writes about topical things. It provides an opportunity to do a "Year In Review" piece which is much easier than thinking of new stuff. So, with my sore Wii elbow, here I go with the recap.

• An election year shouldn't be longer than a year. We Americans pride ourselves on demonstrating a peaceful transfer of power to the world every four or eight years. It's so peaceful that we've now turned it into a never ending transfer of power. This campaign for a new president began shortly after lunch on Inauguration Day 2005. Well according to The Madame, it began in kindergarten for Barack Obama. Still, just days away from the Iowa caucuses we find ourselves with no clear picture of how it's all going to shake out. So this painfully protracted campaign season did nothing more than keep Ron Paul supporters from downloading too much porn and making the rest of us long for the brevity of a military coup. 
• Al Gore may be a bigger threat to freedom than Osama bin Laden. When I said things like this at the beginning of the year I was being somewhat tongue-in-cheek about them. Unfortunately, events of the year have propelled the Bloated One ever closer to convincing our own lawmakers to hijack the U.S. economy with "cap and trade" schemes. In classic terrorist fashion, he wields power by whipping up as much fear as possible. If Prince Albert the Hysterical has his way, we will have a dysfunctional hybrid ('cause the Eco-Stalins love their hybrids!) socialist economy that will leave us more vulnerable than at any time since the beginning of the Revolutionary War. For once, it's time to go after the messenger. How prevalent has this brainwashing become? While looking for airfares online the other day I was prompted to "Go Green" and purchase a "Terra Pass". Terra Pass is a scam that ranks right up there with psychic hotlines. You give them free money, they pass it on to support crap that can't compete in an open marketplace and you get your hippie conscience eased in return. I think my first bumper sticker of 2008 will be "Terra Pass Can Kiss My Ass". 
• Libertarians seem to only be able to deliver their message via fruitcake. Make no mistake, the Libertarians do have some good ideas. They want to overhaul the tax code, get us out of the UN and nuke the Dept. of Education. It's a system that has a lot of good ideas for domestic problems but turns rather juvenile when applied to international relations ("I'm going to go to my room and lock the door...don't bother me!). For several elections now, the Libertarian star has been Ron Paul, who they've recently dressed up as a Republican. He has developed huge support among younger cyber geeks. This can probably be attributed to the fact that Libertarians are also big on legalizing marijuana. The problem with Paul, like most Libertarian point men from the past, is that he seems like the kind of guy you really wouldn't want to leave alone with any sharp dining utensils. We're over a year into this thing and I'm not sure I've heard him directly answer a question yet. His eyes dart around a lot and he always appears to be listening to the voices in his head for commands from the Mother Ship. Fortunately, a lot of Libertarian support is absent on election day because most of its fans are too stoned to remember to vote. If you simply give a bag of Doritos to a Paul supporter he'll be too distracted to get to the polls.
• We may soon elect our first non-human president. Sorry kids, I'm going to need to see some medical records because I'm still not convinced that Mrs. Clinton is breathing. When I first saw her smile and laugh the monsters from "Alien vs. Predator" seemed like cuddly Disney characters in comparison. What she has proven most adept at since being spawned into the spotlight all those years ago is destroying people who dare interfere with her political ambition. Yet there are people who appear to be very devoted to Her Missusness. I'm sure that their loved ones will be returned to them safely once the election is in hand. 
• The Lynne Spears book on parenting was probably a bad idea. Finally, a family to make the Lohans feel morally superior! Lynne Spears gives a whole new meaning to "getting the girls ready for bed". There is, however, something very old fashioned about Jamie Lynn wanting to have three or four kids before she's old enough to drink. 
• All celebrity plane tickets to visit Hugo Chavez should be one-way. Let Danny Glover, Sean Penn, Oliver Stone and any other celeb who wants to hang with Hugo do it on a permanent basis. They can form an "artists collective", grow their own weed and blame the United States for everything all day long. Oh wait, that's really no different from their lives in LA. Never mind. 
• Oprah needs to hush. She doesn't even pick very good books most of the time and she's responsible for Dr. Phil. Seriously people, let's not let her help pick a president. 
• Even in an off year, being an American still kicks ass. You have to admit, this is still a pretty good gig. We have that rare blend of superpower swagger, affordable beer and and an abundance of convenience stores that make this the place to be. The NFL is still ours too. At least until the New England Patriots suck all the fun out of it. 

Happy New Year everyone. Be safe and, for Heaven's sake, don't let any girls from the Spears family kiss you at midnight.

Pulling Harry's Head Out

Harry Reid (D-George Bush's Fault!) is whining again. Now, his scowling tantrums really aren't any more surprising than finding out one of the Spears sisters is knocked up but there was one little moment in a recent interview that made it appear as if Reid had decided to end the year by thinking for the first time since coming to power. 

In an interview with The Online News Hour Reid kind of/sort of admitted that the surge in Iraq was working. This is significant because Reid has thus far proven himself to be the most fact-resistant politician in America. He's so unfamiliar with the obvious that one can easily imagine him standing at the bottom of the Pacific Ocean and saying "It's not wet at all down here."

Of course, Reid didn't exactly give a ringing endorsement of the surge saying, "it certainly hasn't hurt. It's helped. I recognize that." Then, as if he feared an allergic reaction to saying something positive about the United States Reid went right back into his psychotically disconnected diatribe mode. 

Harry Reid suffers from a vocabulary problem. He seems to understand the words "Senate" and "Majority" in his title but is completely confounded by the word "Leader". If you follow "Leader" with "by example" he gets all kinds of perplexed.

The man has proven adept at nothing more than blaming Republicans for everything. He probably sees a GOP conspiracy when he runs out of toilet paper at home. He spends much of the rest of this interview doing the Democrat Dance of Irony in which be blames Republicans for everything but the Peloponnesian War then says the only way to get things done is in a bipartisan manner. Naturally, "bipartisan" means "Republicans caving into every lunatic socialist idea we have..." in this case. 

Honesty is another hallmark most people like in their leaders. In this interview, Reid flat-out lies about what President Bush thinks about global warming. 

Harry Reid suffers from the same confusion that the other Democratic leaders do in that he confuses "the American People" with "my Democratic supporters".  They speak with an authority about what the American people want while almost half of said people are sitting here screaming "Shut up!"

As with every other interview I've seen with not-so-honest Harry, he seems to keep pulling things out of his ass to support his twisted fantasy of what the American public wants to hear. The only thing he never pulls out of there is his head. 

I don't think that's a very good look for a leader.

Huckenstein

The (insert appropriate adjective here-"meteoric"/"stunning"/"creepy") rise of Mike Huckabee (R-Yuk-Yuk) is playing out like the scene in "Frankenstein" where the newly created monster sends the villagers into a panic. The villagers in this case are represented by GOP voters who actually want to win the general election. 

Everyone expected this to be a wild race for the nomination but the escape of Huckenstein to the top of the polls has voters considering all kinds of doomsday scenarios. 

Tony Blankley writes today about the Republicans heading to a brokered convention now because of the Huckfest. Part two of a brilliant imagining of such a scenario is posted at Rightwing Nuthouse today. Apparently, we were guaranteed having a true front runner emerge from the previous top tier GOP candidates but the sheer randomness of Aw-Shucks Mike's emergence is a harbinger of certain chaos. 

I'm not so sure.

I have hope that a different scenario will emerge now and I have no real reason to believe that it will other than my gut telling me that it could. Bear in mind that I use my gut to pick lottery numbers too and that hasn't worked out so well yet. 

Here's my political Christmas wish. It's obvious that Huckabee is scaring sentient Republican voters. These voters have spent the endless pre-primary season whining about not knowing who to get behind. Bloggers seem to be largely united behind Fred Thompson. Evangelicals are glomming on to Huckabee now. Those with easy access to a bong love Ron Paul. There are, unfortunately, a lot of GOP voters who don't fall into any of those categories and they need to have their heads take a trip out of whatever dark places they've shoved them. If we're lucky, the news of Huckabee's disturbing surge will reach those dark recesses and spur them into action.

A little indecision is OK. Jumping off the side of a tall building in a panic because you can't make up your mind is the kind of thing that gets people like Hillary Clinton elected. It's time for the GOP to unite behind an electable candidate (sorry, Mitt fans) and prove that it can't be hijacked by one fringe wing of the party. 

Let's fire up the torches and go after this monster once and for all.

Because there is a bigger, scarier one waiting in the Democratic shadows after Huckenstein is dispatched. 

Cross posted at Real Clear Politics (VOTE for it!)

Does He Ever?

Ed Koch, my favorite Democrat from New York, asks a good question at Real Clear Politics today. It's one every person sane enough to think and burn carbon at the same time should ask:

"Does Al Gore Know What He's Talking About?"

That question never does get asked by millions of Climate Commies because their lips are affixed to Gore's ever expanding derriere. Should they ever disengage those lips and engage the ability to think critically they may very well ask it.

The man has a history of playing fast and loose with facts dating back to his days as inventor of the Internet. He's a b.s. blurter, that Al. He's been that way ever since he got done building the Ark for Noah. 

There are two paths you can take when pondering the alleged climate crisis. You can believe

in the Gore-as-deity Consensus Myth or you can read. There's plenty of documentation about Prince Albert's truth troubles out there but it's hard to find when you're blinded by the glow of his halo. 

Does Al Gore know what he's talking about? That depends, is "hypocrisy" the subject? Thus far, that's the only thing he's proven himself to be an expert on. 

She, Robot

Ugh. I arrived in Anchorage on Monday afternoon just in time to see the sun set before 4:00 PM. It's early Tuesday morning now and a balmy one degree. I started to think, "Can anything really be darker and colder than this?" 

Then I remembered, "Oh yeah, she's running for president!"

Her Royal Ruthlessness has decided that she needs to show her softer side. She's bringing a bunch of friends and her mother out on the campaign trail to send a new message to the American people. What exactly is the message? 

"Look everybody, I actually have friends and a mother!"

As a bonus, The Madame had some actual human tears show up on the same day as her friends and mother. Hmm...

It would seem that the Clinton campaign is worried that voters might find John Edwards a more feminine alternative and decided to fight back with tears. 

You know what's  a shame? 

This is the kind of thing that would be perfect for Oprah. 

Nutroots roasting on an open fire...

OK, I need a little palate cleansing after spewing vinegar at Mike Huckabee (R-You Wish) for much of the week. I'm bored with Al Gore and and the hazard he poses to the intellectual environment. Writing about Mitt Romney puts me to sleep almost as quickly as listening to him. I guess it's time to check in with our subversive little irritants over at the Daily Kos. 

Spend five minutes perusing the offerings of the nutroots over at the DK and you can see why both they and rapidly worsening mental diseases are referred to as progressive. You'll witness an orgy of illogic the likes of which the world has never seen. The average Kosmonaut feigns intellectual superiority by proving points based on nonexistent or false premises which are asserted to be facts. Quite a large choir is assembled there and they preach to it. 

A perfect example is this article linked to in a DK "Open Thread". It laments that liberals are "losing the war of ideas" when it comes to illegal immigration. The author posits that those opposed to illegal immigration are merely "anti" immigration, which is patently untrue. When the illegal aspect is finally addressed it gets dismissed with the customary lefty sleight of hand renaming of illegals as "unauthorized" immigrants. That's how it's done with the progressives: start from a false premise ("anti-immigration"), move full throttle into a semantic circle-jerk ("unauthorized") and-Presto!-you're a liberal genius.  Anyone can win an argument when given the option to arbitrarily redefine the position of one's opponent.  

A post titled "Are Democrats letting Republicans define 2008?" shows exactly why the goofy neocommies don't like to let reality muddy up an ideological debate. The problem, according to "UpstateDem", isn't that the Democrats in congress have turned their "mandate" into approval ratings lower than the self esteem of a pimply adolescent who has just wet himself in front of the whole school, it's that the Republicans are mentioning it. I guess when you're used to making it up as you go along a statement of obvious truth can be so different that it's terribly upsetting. 

If that's getting to them I'd hate to be around when they find out carbon trading isn't going to save the planet.  

To summarize:

1) Even when given the opportunity to fabricate all positions in a debate, progressive ideas still can't win.

2) If you get caught sucking at your job, tell everyone the real problem isn't you but the guy who first pointed out the fact that you sucked. 

It's bound to get you a job with Crazy Howard at the Democratic National Committee. 

Cross posted at Real Clear Politics (Vote for it!)

 

News I Can Use

Weary of the Republican party Hucking up its chances next year, I spent the day doing fun Christmas stuff with my kid. I had hoped that by avoiding the news all day I could come back and find that the Huckabee/Romney nightmare I've been having would be gone. Alas, I waited until after midnight to check anything out but the two are still hanging around like STDs at a Tijuana whorehouse, which, coincidentally, is where Bill Clinton is scheduled to appear first if his life partner becomes president.

After whipping through my usual news sites I had one thought: if Huckabee wins those damn caucuses we should seriously think about trading Iowa to the Canadians for some beer. People shouldn't be allowed to have a significant say in choosing the leader of the free world when they're frozen, pissed off and drinking all day to combat Seasonal Affective Disorder. 

Rather than subject myself to any more Huckobamaney fawning from the breathless American media I decided to see what our closest allies across the pond were writing about. I was rewarded almost immediately for my efforts with this headline from the BBC News site:

"Flatulent cow puts wind up locals..."

No, it's not about a Hillary Clinton joke that's being forwarded in emails.

It's just a lot nicer to think about than the title "President" in front of the names Clinton or Obama.  

The Real Republican

The Senate voted today on belching federal funds to bail out all the homeowners who couldn't understand the word "adjustable" when they got their mortgages. I went off on this nanny state "Dollars for Stupidity" program here and Michelle Malkin continues to cover it in detail.

As I said before, if the Kremlin Congress wants pay citizens for poor choices then it owes me more money than even a Charlie Rangel tax hike could raise.

Naturally, the Democrats think the bailout is necessary because the people were somehow tricked into getting the ARMs. I believe it was, oh, let me see, in the post immediately preceding this one where I said that being a liberal means never having to say "It's my fault." I love quoting myself.

For a party that fancies itself intellectually superior the Dems love to claim mass stupidity on the part of its constituency. You remember Florida in 2000, don't you? Al Gore's future hung on claiming that a significant number of his supporters were too stupid to read. Now it's another reading problem, this time an inability to translate the arcane phrase "Adjustable Rate" well enough to even ask what it means.

I'll grant that some voters are a few points shy of a workable IQ-how else can you explain Chuck Schumer's election?

While the rest of the Senate brought their copies of Das Kapital with them to the vote, Arizona's Jon Kyl decided to bring his balls. His was the lone voice of common sense crying out in the pandering wilderness.

For those of you who may not know Kyl, he is the GOP's dream candidate. There isn't a Democrat alive who Kyl couldn't quietly dissect in a debate. Sadly, he's waiting in the wings while the senior senator from Arizona takes his last shot at the White House.

If the congressional Republican elephant wants to keep growing donkey ears on fiscal matters the true GOP voters will have to endure a long, federally funded nuclear winter of ideological and fiscal bankruptcy.

We can only hope that Jon Kyl will still be around to open a can of whoop-ass to help lead us out.

Main Stream Morons To The Rescue

Yesterday must have been a tough one for the various Op-Ed  Demo pimps in the MSM. Their very reasons for breathing, the Democratic-um-leadership, were going at each other like a dysfunctional family after the Thanksgiving booze had all been drunk. At the end of the bickering their matriarch, Grandma Nancy "Che" Pelosi (D-Valium Please), had a little meltdown in front of the cameras. Newspaper editorial staffs all over were left to cry "I hate it when you guys fight!" and "I get scared when grandma acts so weird." As with most dysfunctional families, when it was all over it was left to the little bed-wetters to hold the family together. 

The first little journalistic gremlin to come out and defend the Nitwit clan was WAPO's E.J. Dionne. He writes in today's paper that The Nancy & Harry Traveling Circus of Socialist Stupidity needs a "Plan B". Since Dionne is a lefty I naturally thought he was talking about the "morning after pill" when he mentioned "Plan B" and hoped he was going to suggest that they abort their inane efforts. No such luck.

Dionne should have called it a "Plan BB" because all he suggests is that the Democrats blame Bush. I know that this kind of thinking is often called "Bush Derangement Syndrome" but I hesitate to use that in the case of Dionne because that implies the existence of a brain to be deranged in the first place. His piece is so devoid of critical thinking that I thought it might be the product of one of those experiments where they put a chimp in front of a keyboard and see what he pounds out. 

Dionne seems to be suggesting that the Republicans are stonewalling Grandma Nan and Harry the Libnut solely for the joy of being obstructionists. As with most liberals' arguments, his logic disintegrates at the beginning because he proceeds from false premises. He claims that the Democrats have the high ground on the S-CHIP debate while lying about what the new version really does. Never once does he discuss why Republicans are really opposed to it, he simply trots out the brain dead liberal for the children idiocy. 

To be an American liberal means never having to say "It's my fault," when things aren't going well. It's an entire political philosophy built on abandoning personal responsibility. Pelosi and Reid aren't the first American congressional leaders who have had to work with slim majorities and an opposite party president. The reason that they aren't accomplishing anything is that they came to power under convoluted circumstances. The Republicans didn't lose last year because the Democrats were steamrolling, they lost because serious GOP voters had grown weary of the spending and lack of vision and stayed home. The Democrats emerged thinking that they had a mandate when what they actually had was a fluke. 

Now instead of governing with vision, they whine. When they're tired of whining, they let the MSM monkeys whine for them. Lets have a round of tissues for the distressed little dears in congress and the media. 

Buck up, little Demos, Christmas is almost here. Maybe Santa will bring you some shiny new excuses to use for next year.

Cross posted at Real Clear Politics (Vote for it!)

Down In Dem Dumps

By this point Nancy Pelosi (D-Zero Accomplishments) probably wishes she'd spent the year at home watching the weekly fur-thong/bestiality parades in San Francisco. She finishes the year having accomplished nothing more than providing 1-800-FLOWERS greater access to the Speaker of the House of Representatives. 

Today, Grandma Nan is taking it from more angles than a double-jointed porn star. USA Today, normally a reliable sycophantic lap bitch for the Democrats, goes off on their ineffective ways on its Opinion page. The article says that the Democrats are "lost in a time warp". True, they do seem to be acting like it's 1968 when it comes to the war. Maybe they can't get anything done because they're busy looking for their weed. 

On the bright side for Madame Speaker, the article does engage in some knee-jerk Bush bashing like any good post-Soviet Pravda rip-off should. 

Today's Washington Post offers up a little peek at the tiff brewing between House and Senate Democrats. Finally! The Democrats agree that the Democrats are doing a lousy job. Any Democrats in either chamber who continue to exhibit flashes of clarity may want to contact their physicians. 

Speaking of time warps, the MSM loves to work from a calendar that is perpetually six months behind, doesn't it? The USA Today article finally takes Harry Reid (D-Yippee, We're Losing!) to task for constantly ignoring any good news out of Iraq. Bloggers on the right have been verbally smacking the Waste of Space from Nevada around on that subject for a while now. 

However belated it may be, it is nice to see some of the MSM taking notice that the current Democratic leadership can't govern and chew gum at the same time. For the sake of the country, let's hope they concentrate on the gum chewing.

Cross posted at Grizzly Groundswell and Real Clear Politics

Maybe this is why Nancy Pelosi needs so many flowers...

Panel Urges End to Incontinence Stigma

Oh, that was a government panel, by the way. And people complain about money being spent to fight terrorism. 

The leader of the NIH panel offered taxpayer funded gems like this: "All of us are walking around with a bag of water and a bag of stool in our pelvis..."

The next time some audience member gives me grief about the way comedians talk on stage I'm going to refer him to Dr. Bag O'Stool over at the NIH. 

Personally, I think it's good that some things carry a stigma. It's what keeps us from having to watch people we aren't attracted to fondle each other in public. We are already too quick to discuss things that would have made our grandparents, well, become incontinent if mentioned. 

I am perfectly OK with voting "Stigma For Life" status when it comes to incontinence. No one needs to be sitting at an Olive Garden and hear, "Frank, I told you there was too much garlic in the marinara, I just crapped myself. I'll be back in a minute; don't order me any coffee!"

Next up for the panel: raising the self esteem of those afflicted with chronic flatulence. 

May I suggest that the NIH get back to work on things that could kill us? 

Envirodork of the Day: Ban Ki-moon

It's become a morning ritual of mine: read the news and immediately find another good reason to turn the UN property into a golf course. The last secretary-general used his office space to run a black market scheme with a fascist dictator. Naturally, the Democrats loved him. The current head man over at the hostile occupation site is a simpler sort, he's merely running a scheme of hypocrisy from his private jet.

As the political arm of Al Gore's progressive mental disease, the UN is committed to bringing communism to the United States so Gore can be installed as Head Fat Guy For Life. It uses a squad of debate squashing, common sense assassins called the Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change. Right now the IPCC's flying monkeys are meeting to determine exactly what it can do to kick the U.S. economy in the groin. This is accomplished by screaming "Consensus!" and "For the children!" incessantly until policy makers cave in from pure exhaustion.

Apparently, no one has found a way to translate "lead by example" into all the languages spoken at the UN. Ban Ki-moon, fresh from calling for immediate action on climate change, has decided to show his commitment to the cause by flying everywhere but the moons of Jupiter.

Remember, he's the S-G of the United Nations so he doesn't have a real job and isn't truly needed anywhere but at home. Still, he's found a reason to head to East Timor, Japan and New York all in a few days. The juiciest, carbon spewing part of this trip comes on the Tokyo to New York leg where the Banster is flying the wrong way around the world to add even more miles to the fun!

The UN says it will offset the trip by contributing to different environmental causes, which, far from exonerating Mr. B K-m, cements the green hypocrisy. If man-made carbon emissions really were a threat to our very survival do you think the fear-mongers would relax about an egregious carbon output like this just because the Sierra Club got a few extra bucks? That's like getting shot five times and saying that you'll be fine as long as your assailant donates to a hospital charity.

Congratulations Mr. Ban Ki-moon for being today's recipient of the ANM Envirodork Medal of Dishonor. You're the first to receive the redesigned medal! It features a breathtaking view of the earth and a cow farting out Al Gore's head. Enjoy.

I'll let the readers decide whether you're a prophet of change, a planet killing bastard or a full of crap hypocrite.

Cross posted at Real Clear Politics (Vote for it!)

Why I Want To Be A Better Catholic...

It's stuff like this that makes me keep coming back for more:

The Pope condemns the climate change prophets of doom.

There are over a billion of us, Greenpeace, don't make us recycle you.

Couldn't agree more...

This is the kind of opinion about Romney you see when an actual Republican, as opposed to a liberal member of the MSM, is writing:

"If Republicans nominate flip-flop Romney, they'll lose..."

I'm off to see what they're spiking the coffee with at the National Review now.

In endorsing Romney they referred to him as the most conservative and viable candidate. He's some of the former and none of the latter. If you don't believe me just wait fourteen months, reread this then ask President Clinton what she thinks.

Rat Smelling 101: Mahmoud Makes Nice

The last NIE report is on pace to become the least read/most referred to piece of writing since the Old Testament. It has been parsed to death in blogs on both sides of the aisle, with each finding something favorable to cling to. So who are we to believe in the midst of all of this "Told you so!" volleying?

Me, of course. (Seriously, people, if you haven't figured that out by now you're simply missing the spirit of this blog and my very existence on the planet. Keep up!)

All anyone needs to know to form a rational opinion about the last report is this: Mahmoud Ahmadinejad thought it was just swell.

That's right, the drooling man's Hugo Chavez has become a big, cuddly Moham...oops, Teddy Bear ever since the NIE belched its latest best-guesses. After calling the report "a step forward" Moudykins went on to suggest what the U.S. should do to follow up and become best pals with Iran. Hint: it doesn't involve being skeptical.

I don't know how to say "I've got you right where I want you," in Farsi but I bet it can be accidentally translated as "a step forward". When an avowed, hate-spewing enemy suddenly grins and invites you over for a drink it's time to ask a lot of questions.

Strangely enough, there is a group of people in this country who would rather take whatever Ahmadinejad takes at face value than default to believing the president. They're called Democratic congressional leaders and they're, sadly, not subjected to drug tests while working.

You could put this smelly rat into a lead container, send it to the bottom of the ocean and it would still stink. It may be our busiest shopping season of the year but that doesn't mean we have to buy whatever this dictator pimp is selling.

Cross posted at Grizzly Groundswell and Real Clear Politics (Vote for it!)

While The Liberal Kids Were At Tumbling Class...

This is priceless:

Arkansas Boy, 5, Kills 445-Pound Black Bear

I feel like such a slacker, I didn't learn to shoot until I was six.

Introducing The "ANM" Envirodork Medal Of Dishonor!

Inspired by Prince Albert the Hysterical and all he does for global hypocrisy, I'm proud to announce the creation of "The 'America Needs Me' Envirodork Medal Of Dishonor". The award will be given out as frequently as needed to any Eco-Stalin who distinguishes him or herself by offering solutions or opinions on global warming that exceed the lunatic standards established by Gore. 

As I can't pay attention to every Climate Commie on the allegedly imperiled planet, I'm asking everyone to feel free to nominate potential recipients. The more we expose, the merrier. We can then offer quarterly and annual awards for the biggest Envirodorks. 

Let us move on to the inaugural recipient. The very first Envirodork Medal of Dishonor goes to:

Professor Barry Walters of Australia.

Writing in the Medical Journal of Australia (the Double Christmas Issue, at that!), Walters proposes taxing couples with more than two children to pay for trees to offset all that damn breathing the little kiddies do. 

Walters writes, "Far from showering financial booty on new mothers and rewarding greenhouse-unfriendly behaviour, a 'baby levy' in the form of a carbon tax should apply, in line with the 'polluter pays' principle."

In the twisted mind of an Eco-Stalin having a baby is akin to industrial pollution.

My guess is that the greater threat of pollution comes from all of the b.s. that climate hysteria mongers keep spewing into the air. 

Another case could be made that Walters' mother did pollute by taking a pee in the Australian gene pool when she gave birth to little Barry. Unless it's planted in his mouth I don't see how a taxpayer funded tree is really going to offset the damage Mum Walters caused the intellectual environment. 

A tip of the hat and a hearty cow fart to Professor Walters for being our first Envirodork. Now rest up and see if you can come up with something even more stupid so you can be our first repeat winner. We're all pulling for you!

Cross posted at Real Clear Politics (Vote for it!)

A Bad Blessing For Pastor Mike

Here we are finishing up Week One of the Mike Huckabee (R-Um, Kind Of) juggernaut and he's already surrounded by so many red flags that it's hard to see his folksy grin. Of course, the red flags are only visible to discerning, real Republican voters who would rather win in the general election than make an ideological fetish statement in the primaries. 

It was a big week for me too as I broke out my first conspiracy theory to explain the media frenzy surrounding Aw Shucks Huck and JFK Romney.  

My none-too-fragile ego and I learned years ago that the universe seems hell-bent on proving me right so I've just sort of relaxed and accepted the responsibility. This week's validation came from the official publication of the Democratic National Committee, The New York Times. That the Times is unwittingly helping to support my theory should be enough for the rest of you to accept the verity of my pontification. 

Frank Rich, which is the name Maureen Dowd goes by when she's wearing men's clothing, spent several paragraphs comparing Mike Huckabee to St. Obama in Sunday's Opinion section. 

While not effusive in his praise of Huckabee, Rich wasn't the condescending one-note prick ex-theater critic to whom we're most often treated. I apologize for using the word "prick" to describe Rich but my spell-check always gives me grief for "peckerhead". 

Sunday's article was notable because Rich has never written an entire paragraph about any Republican without leveling charges of racism, insensitivity or mental retardation. He's one of those guys who you can just tell was pulling for the Soviet Union during the Cold War. After the Soviet demise he had to settle for writing for the Opinion page of the Times, which is the next best thing to actually working for Stalin. 

Lincoln was the last Republican the Times had anything nice to say about so why is Huckabee getting the soft treatment? Ah, we're back to my conspiracy theory now. I can only conclude that he's the guy who they think would be the easiest for any Democrat to trounce in the general election. Their thinking goes like this: if the MSM tells us he's our star we'll believe he's our star. 

If you don't buy that the MSM believes it can dictate opinion just look at Rich's tortured logic explaining Huckabee's rise. It's not really about his social conservative credentials, it's because he was nicer about immigration during the YouTube debate. Be honest, Frank. The Times has a meth lab where most companies put the coffee room, doesn't it?

Rich also attributes Huckabee's popularity to an "uplifting" message that would transcend the partisan bickering that plagues Washington. Yeah, that made me throw up in my mouth a little too. 

Knee-jerk partisanship occurs when a party is devoid of ideas, much like the modern Democrats. "We hate this administration!" isn't a platform, it's a hissy fit. I'm a big fan of the good kind of principled partisanship that's kept John Edwards' hand out of my wallet so far.

I asked last week who you wanted picking our nominee, us or MSNBC? Do you really want the New York Times sticking their leftist little fingers into the process? 

Cross posted at Grizzly Groundswell and Real Clear Politics (Vote for it!)

Obama, Oprah, Oh-Oh

Saint Barack Obama has finally figured out a way to not sound like a lightweight when he speaks: let Oprah do the talking. 

The star maker herself hit the campaign trail to give His Blessedness a big boost in Iowa. Rumor has it she may purchase the state while there and give it to her next studio audience. 

What's notable and/or frightening about this is that it is more than just a publicity ploy. An anointing from Oprah borders on priceless. All she has to do is nod at something and its value triples. Just a few years back we lived in a world without Dr. Phil or Rachael Ray. Then Oprah manufactured them in her basement and sent them out into the world to be rich and ubiquitous. 

Even though Obama has spent the last year getting his leg humped by an adoring media he still trails The Madame by almost twenty points in the national polls. He's finally passed her in the Iowa polls though and is looking to increase that lead. He could have gone out and campaigned on his own to achieve this but that way he runs the risk of people actually paying attention to what he's saying now that he's the frontrunner. The last thing Obie needs is scrutiny when he speaks. 

No one sells the broad generalities better than St. Obama. He's got the smile to peddle absolutely nothing and make it seem like a good idea. 

"Every American should be happy and every day should have sunshine!"

Oprah says that Obama represents a "new direction" for America. Yeah, hard left.

Look at what Obama promises and all you really see is the same Democratic party repackaged socialism in the hands of a better salesman. When he starts talking specifics he comes up with gems like the claim that living overseas as a kid gives him better foreign policy credentials. I used to go to Mexico all the time when I was a kid but that doesn't make me an expert on NAFTA.

His health care plan talks about a partnership between private industry and the federal government which is somehow supposed to facilitate a reduction in paperwork. As we all know, nothing helps streamline any process like the involvement of the federal government. He sounds like he's campaigning to be president of Backwards Land with genius like that. 

His plan for Iraq? Pull all the troops out by a specific date so the enemy can plan accordingly then use "the power of the presidency" to make Iraq and its neighbors figure out a way to play nice. There's no mention from Obama yet on whether "the power of the presidency" comes with a decoder ring and secret disguise. 

He does promise to make sure that bird flu doesn't get all pandemic on us. I don't know that I've ever emitted as big a sigh of relief as when I read that. Screw terrorism and the economy, I want the next president working on bird flu. 

The Oprah trip through Iowa really isn't going to focus the spotlight on Obama. That's probably just fine with him. Now, instead of mulling over the retread positions he's trying to sell as a new direction people at his campaign stops will just keep saying, "Holy crap! It's freakin' Oprah!" 

It will now be his task to turn that into "I have no idea what he said but Oprah told me to vote for him."

And it just might work. 

Progressively Unstable

Our nutroot counterparts at The Daily Kos like to fancy themselves as being progressive. The only thing I can see a progression towards over there is abject lunacy. I offer no stronger proof than this: Teddy Kennedy (D-"Belch") is an esteemed contributor at TDK. 

The Kosmonauts comment on the Tedster's posts as if he were the prophet Jeremiah. This is what is considered "progressive" by the Church of Josef Stalin of Latter Day Commies: fawning over a guy who was elected to the Senate when face masks were still a novelty in the NFL. What forward thinking ideas will they give us next-the moon's not made of green cheese?

Here is an essential difference between the blogosphere behemoth that is The Daily Fascist Prick Kos and all of us alleged knuckle draggers on the right: we welcome the challenge of dissenting voices.

True, some right wing blogs will block a liberal troll or two. Many, however, will let the trolls comment away and stand up or, most often, get destroyed on their merits. The Kosmonauts just like to nuke you right away if you aren't in agreement with their regressively progressive thinking.

Why is an online community of about eleven kajillion people so afraid of one dissenting voice? Perhaps the interjection of reality into any debate makes them uncomfortable. The well documented allergy to logic on the left certainly factors into the equation. Wait, I forgot the obvious: the political lunatic fringe occupied by the nutroots abhors any free speech that is remotely pro-American. 

Blaming the United States first is more pathological than ideological on the nutroot left. Herein lies the path to madness for these neo-commies: they detest the very system that enables them to exist. 

From there it's nothing more than an exercise in painfully contorted logic that makes posts like this seem reasonable:

"The soul of the Democratic Party is at stake" 

This little piece manages to find John "Fluffy" Edwards' (D-Larceny) life's work as an ambulance chaser noble. 

The most telling thing about this piece is that it has to describe which of the Big Three Democrats is the least offensive lawyer. 

A progressive nutroot talking about "the soul" of anything is akin to a second-grader lecturing on quantum mechanics. It's simply a subject of which the speaker can't have any real knowledge, the difference being that the second-grader harbors no illusions of superiority. 

I would love it if these nimrods would invite me over for a free-for-all. Something tells me that they'd only agree to such an encounter if I promised not to bring the male anatomy that makes me confrontational in the first place. Big deal. I'll take 'em all on with one you-know-what tied behind my back. 

Cross posted at Real Clear Politics (Vote for it!)

Huck Puts On His Big Boy Pants

First, this headline:

Huckabee rises to 2nd in GOP race

It's easy to sneak up out of nowhere because no one is paying close attention to you. Mike's a player now and he might find the scrutiny to be somewhat, um, taxing. The Huckster's got solid social conservative credentials but the rest is a lot of "golly-gee" fluff hiding positions that crumble like Bill Clinton's willpower at a cheerleader competition. So, if the other former Governor from Hope, AR wants to run with the big boys we might want to take a closer look. That leads us to this headline:

Huckabee is Far From Reagan's Heir

Let's see how "Aw Shucks Huck" holds up under the spotlight.

I Want My Mike TV

If alternative universes are real, I've been bouncing between two of them like a ping-pong ball the last couple of weeks. 

Despite the fact that I live in West L.A. I do talk to a lot of Republicans, just not face-to-face in my own neighborhood. Between online networking, blogging, friends and family I keep in pretty regular contact with GOP voters. I also go on the road a lot to places where they still allow a two party system. I meet and speak with a lot of faithful Republicans that way too. 

Given that and the MSM coverage of the Republican presidential campaign, you would think I'd be running into Romney and Huckabee supporters everywhere, right? Here's the tally so far:

Romney-1 (just yesterday)

Huckabee-0

When I'm not talking to real Republicans I wander through the alternative universe of the MSM and guess what I find there? 

"The Mike And Mitt Show" coming at me live 24/7.

I wrote about the media love affair with Romney yesterday. It's clear, however, that this has become one big political threesome with him, Huck and our buddies in the press. 

The manure was put down on the lawn here a couple of months ago so that's not what I'm smelling. Something definitely stinks though.

Just take a look at Real Clear Politics today. There's more talk about Romney there than on his campaign site. It's been like this since yesterday. That followed a week or so of breathless Huckabee swooning. 

I'm not saying that neither of them is newsworthy, it's just that there may be something else on GOP voters' minds besides where the candidate is going for Christmas services. 

This can't really be called a conspiracy on the part of the media, that would be giving too much credit to the intellects of the MSMers. It is more than likely a fervent hope that we'll look away from real issues and focus on the candidates' religions. The obviously liberal MSM could be trying to cherry pick a candidate for us who might match up more favorably against Her Missusness or Saint Obama. 

Guess who among the GOP big guys poll the worst against Hilly and Obie? The media's own omnipresent governor Romney. 

Mike Huckabee is so new to the upper tier dance that RCP hasn't even been tracking head-to-head polls for him and the Democrats, if they exist at all. He may keep up this ascendance up but he's one of those guys whose record doesn't hold up well at all to scrutiny. Any Republican who votes for him solely because he is a preacher isn't thinking much like a Republican at all.

Here are the things that are talked about among real Republicans when considering a candidate:

A) National Security

B) Border Security

C) Controlling Spending

D) Taxes

E) What a useless waste of Capitol Hill office space Harry Reid is.

It's nice that Huckabee is a man of God. It's scary that he taxed like a crazed Kennedy when he was governor. 

And Mitt? His faith does impress. It's also admirable how he keeps in such great shape by doing backflips on issues to fit the election cycle du jour. 

Real Republicans need to decide who will pick the nominee: us or MSNBC?

Cross posted at Real Clear Politics (Vote for it!) 

Where Are The Republicans?

Correct me if I'm wrong, George W. Bush was the Republican nominee both times he won the presidency, right?

Michelle Malkin discusses the particulars of the president's quasi-nationalization of the mortgage industry and bailout of the homeowners whose eyes were bigger than their wallets here.

Since when is it the government's job to offer assistance for confusion and/or stupidity? OK, we pay retirement benefits to former members of the House and Senate but that's unavoidable.

Millions of Americans apparently signed contracts for Adjustable Rate Mortgages without quite understanding the nature of the beast. Perhaps it has to do with all that public education leaving them with no working knowledge of simple math ("Small number now, big number later..."). Maybe the word "adjustable" was only used in honors classes. I'd wager a good portion of the people in trouble right now believed they were purchasing actual appendages.

"Honey, this looks more like a house than an arm."

"Shh, let's keep it anyway. If we say something we'll look stupid!"

If the federal government is truly going into the business of bailing out people for stupid personal choices then it owes me a chunk for my mid-twenties. With interest. Heck, I've got a list of idiocy that runs right up to last Friday (onions, garlic and broccoli before heading out for the night-blast off!) that I could use some cash for. So far, so good this week though.

The American public isn't known for its financial acumen. We're the idiots who keep electing the idiots who spend our money on nothing.

"What's that, Senator, you've wasted another third of my income? Well, by all means, take some more of my money and get back to work then!"

So now we're asking the idiots who never spend our money well to help us because we didn't spend our money well.

"I'm having a hard time losing weight. If I eat nothing but ice cream, beer and potato chips for a month it should get better."

I feel for the few real Republicans left in Washington. It must be hard to get any substantive legislation passed when you spend most of your day recovering from injuries incurred while banging your heads against the wall.

"Hush little baby, don't say a word. The Nanny-State will help in ways quite absurd..."

The Mitt Fit

Finally, Mitt Romney (R-Sort Of) gave his "Oh crap I'm falling behind!" "Mormon" speech to clear up his position regarding the influence of one's religion on presidential decision making. This is Romney, remember, so his position on the subject could change after some careful consideration.

For those of you that missed the speech, let me summarize:

"Hey, I love Jesus just as much as Mike Huckabee!"

Romney faced the challenge of having to prove that he was deeply religious to suck up to the evangelical wing of the GOP while also saying those deep convictions wouldn't influence his decision making.

Good luck with that, Governor.

I've grown weary of the media fascination with Mitt Romney. He's spent enough money in Iowa to purchase the state ten times over. As a result, he managed to get to the top of the polls there only to be threatened by Mike Huckabee (R-Aw Shucks), who has spent about eight cents on his campaign. We've heard for six months now that John McCain (R-Cojones) is in a free-fall yet Romney still trails him in national polls.

This has nothing to do with religion. As a practicing Catholic I think I'm more disturbed by the fact that Rudy Giuliani trades in his wife every five years. I don't think the nation can handle the trauma of multiple First Ladies in one administration.

Romney was a one term governor of a liberal state so out of touch with reality that it keeps reelecting Ted Kennedy (D-Liver Damage) and John Kerry (D-I'm Still Talking). His one term was a study in political expediency. He caved into the will of the liberals when that was the path of least resistance. I don't buy the sincerity of his position changes any more than Giuliani's promise to appoint the right kind of judges. When did the GOP become the party of "just tell us what we want to hear"? That's a political philosophy already perfected by the Democrats.

Enough of Romney, already. If we need to organize another Olympics we'll call him.

Coffee's brewing. Time for the Republicans to take a whiff and snap out of it.

Cross posted at Grizzly Groundswell and Real Clear Politics (Vote for it!)

Cheesed Danish

It's always a comfort to find that even socialists think high taxes suck. This article in the International Herald Tribune gives us a little peek into the nanny-state utopia that is Denmark.

It seems that the Danish economy has enjoyed a few years of success but is about to come to a screeching halt soon due to a labor shortage. The article states that the country has such "effective income redistribution" that it "is the most nearly equal society in the world, in that wealth is more evenly spread than anywhere else."

That just sounds like the warmest and fuzziest system ever, doesn't it? Everybody gets the same amount of money, a fashionable Danish address and a free teddy bear to name after the religious leader of his or her choice. Who wouldn't want to live there?

The Danes, apparently. You see, to maintain a Robin Hood society, one has to be very, well, Robin Hood-ish. The Danish twist on the story is that you don't even have to be rich to have the government steal your money from you for "redistribution". If you make the equivalent of 70,000 American dollars you get the privilege of a 63% tax rate.

We have something similar here in the United States but it's referred to as grand larceny.

Oddly enough, younger Danes aren't as willing to bend over and let the government approach them from behind and are moving elsewhere. They can do this with ease because Denmark moved into that post-modern commune known as "The European Union". As such, they are free to work in any EU country. Denmark has accomplished the previously unthinkable: making the UK an attractive tax alternative.

The best part of this story is that all of the fleeing labor had most of its education and training paid for by the government. They take what they need then it's "Hasta la vista, baby," but in Danish, so it probably doesn't sound as cool.

I propose a "Disgruntled Native Exchange" program. Skilled Danes can move to the United States and enjoy a non-criminal tax rate as long as they contribute to the economy. Every American liberal who whines about needing more funding for this or that (especially that) and says it's OK if he has to pay more taxes can move to Denmark.

And stay there.

Cross posted at Grizzly Groundswell and Real Clear Politics.

Your Electric Bill On Steroids

Remember Enron, that corporate symbol of all things evil? It's late chairman, Kenneth Lay, and his cronies were bilking the public and their employees at every turn. The company became the favorite whipping boy of the left when wailing about corporate greed. In the end, all could agree that the execs at Enron were a particularly ignominious collection of scumbags.

So...guess what the scumbags had decided would "do more to promote Enron's business than almost any other regulatory initiative..." and were feverishly pursuing when the hammer came down on them? Nuclear power plants? Chinese coal? Guatemalan petting zoos? Nope.

Carbon trading.

That darling scheme of the Eco-Stalins and the central component of the Lieberman-Warner "Climate Security Act" was also a favorite of the greediest corporate creeps in recent American history. Coincidence? It is if you have a Tolkien-esque imagination.

In fact, Ken Lay had private meetings at the White House during Clinton-Gore years to lobby for the signing and ratification of the Kyoto Protocols because he knew it would enable him to become king of the carbon "cap and trade" thieves. Yes, I said "Clinton-Gore years".

Still think everybody is in this for the good of the planet? Only if "planet" is code for "energy execs' wallets".

Last week, I mentioned Arclightzero's well researched post that digs into the money trail behind all of these allegedly altruistic Climate Commies. He then followed it up with this post, which dug even deeper. Another article from the Competitive Enterprise Institute explains how the cap and trade scheme would actually hit poorer families the hardest. Where's the outcry from Fluffy Edwards' well-lit mansion?

The "Climate Security Act" now looks like it's going to make it past the full Senate committee. It secures nothing (how about some border security while you nitwits are working?). It's economically damaging and does little more than make those who voted for it feel good about more federal helping.

John Warner hasn't had to stand for election since 2002 and is retiring so he doesn't seem to be very beholden to anyone other than the voices in his head ("Help your legacy, save the planet..."). In the "More Coincidence?" category, Sempra Energy was the fourth largest contributor to Lieberman's last race. What's one of Sempra's big lobbying points these last few years? Federal carbon cap and...never mind, you get it now.

If bills like the Lieberman-Warner "Climate Folly Money Grab" become law the energy companies will have their hands so far up in your business you'll feel as if you're in the middle of a permanent colonoscopy. It's also the first step in ceding economic sovereignty to the United Nations, which is a great idea if you aren't American.

Happy Holidays, kids. Instead of dealing with real security like troop funding or border control, this is what your elected officials are working on during their abbreviated session. Can I interest anyone in a little political stupidity "cap and trade" scheme? I've got a Henry Waxman, a Barbara Boxer and a Dianne Feinstein I would be willing to trade for just one person with common sense. What's that, you can't do it without heavy government subsidies?

Never mind.

Cross posted at Real Clear Politics (Vote for it!)

Senate To Debate Lieberman-Warner Climate Commie Bill

Heads up kids, the Eco-Stalins are on the march again. My views on this have been mentioned time and again in this blog, most recently here and here. 

Senators Joe Lieberman (I-Carbon Bogeyman) and John Warner (R-Glad He's Leaving) have sponsored a horrible "cap and trade" scheme that they want to make into law. In keeping with climate hysteria protocol, it's known as the "Climate Security Act".  (Oooh, forget the borders, let's make sure the climate is secure. I'm sleeping better already. Maybe I'm just high on cow fart methane.) The bill has made it to the full committee for whatever kind of debate can really be had on this topic that's based more on emotion than reality (sorry, all you religiously devoted IPCC fans). 

The list of people and groups lining up to point out how much this bill blows is increasing faster than Barry Bonds' hat size. Here's what "cap and trade" schemes that are in place have accomplished thus far: windfall profits for energy companies (if your electric company exceeds the cap and gets fined the only place they know to find money is your pocket-there's no real down side to compliance) and no real effect on carbon emissions. 

The bill does manage to-surprise!- bloat the bureaucracy by creating a federal Carbon Market Efficiency Board. Why don't these guys ever come up with something useful, like a federal NFL Cheerleader Date For Every American Bachelor Board? I might start liking the government then. 

More to follow on this in the coming days. I have to go cook some food for my kid while we can still afford the energy. Then I have to see what I can do to get my carbon footprint big enough to step on some of these people.

Wake Up And Smell The Pantsuit

The official publication of the Democratic National Committee, which many people still refer to as The New York Times, has an interesting little article in it today about congressional Democrats pondering the true import of Madame Hillary winning the nomination.

Some freshman (freshperson?) members of the House won close elections last year based on a platform that consisted of little more than "I don't like George W. Bush!" That paucity of plans and ideals has translated into a year of subterranean approval numbers. Now these same Democrats are getting ready to hit the campaign trail again and realizing that the Mrs. might be, at best, problematic for them if she's the heir to the throne nominee next year.

The Bush-Clinton-Bush-(maybe) Clinton White House volley has had almost twenty years to wear on the American people now. True, it's produced some historical political theater but the biggest byproduct of the dueling dynasties has been animosity. Democrats now fear that having Mrs. Madame head up the ticket might mobilize the GOP base in way that pales in comparison to the labor union browbeating of Democratic voters.

The Democrats got fat and happy last year by linking vulnerable Republican candidates to President Bush. They know intimately how well that tactic works when a polarizing figure is the party's standard bearer. They'll try to do the same next year but the GOP candidates have already been working hard to distance themselves from the president.

So the Democrats will try to link GOP candidates to George W. Bush and the Republicans will piggyback Her Missuship onto their opponents. The difference will be the fact that the president will be home and, no doubt, relishing the fact that he doesn't have to go through this crap again while the Madame will be out there every day, regaling the common folk with her robotic charm.
That's enough to make anyone sweat.

Cross posted at Real Clear Politics (Vote for it!)

Insanity's Poster Boy

Congress may have returned to work for an abbreviated session but Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid (D-Lobotomy) made sure he brought his long-term stupidity with him.

The increasingly irrelevant Reid appears to be indefatigable in his pursuit of disaster in Iraq. Reid has decided there is no news coming out of Iraq other than what's written in his obviously unstable head. Reid held a press conference when he got back and flatly stated that "The surge hasn't accomplished its goals..."

One has to wonder, just how close is Reid's Nevada home to Area 51? He has now become the prominent Democrat the party faithful look to when they want to feel that Howard Dean is marginally sane. If he stays in power instead of getting the help he desperately needs he'll probably start flying the Union Jack at his HQ because he thinks we lost the Revolutionary War.

"I don't care what you've heard, the rebellion didn't go very well for the colonists. History and the president are lying to you. I'm off for a spot of tea. Cheers."

I'm very curious about the inner machinations of the Democratic party and its criteria for leadership. Lately it seems that they cast their gazes about to find who among them is exhibiting the strangest behavior.

"Chairman Dean, I found a congressman sticking a letter opener in his temple during roll call, we've got to fast-track him up the ladder! What's that? Too sane? OK, I'll keep looking."

I'm a real American and I firmly believe in every American's right to an opinion on what the country does, especially regarding wars. I've never automatically said that anti-war people are unpatriotic. I do, however, believe that Reid's constant ignoring of any good news out of Iraq makes him unfit to be influential in any political decisions about the war.

Harry needs to put his talents to better use and become a full time clown.

Cross posted at Grizzly Groundswell and Real Clear Politics (Vote for it!)

Fighting The Wrong Pork

Watch out folks, the feds are trying to help again. Feeling the courts are adequately protecting everyone from Christmas, your federal legislators have decided to ramp up their ongoing war against parental involvement in their own children's lives. This time, it's a national ban on junk food.  The legislation is sponsored by Sen. Tom Harkin (D-Nanny State), whose biggest recent accomplishment was defending Hugo Chavez's remarks about President Bush at the UN. 

My blood boils every time a Democrat attempts to throw a blanket of socialism over American society. This particular attempt, however, does help illustrate the fundamental flaw in the Democrats' approach to governing. 

The first thing one gives up when registering as a Democrat is a sense of personal responsibility (irony goes quickly after that). Once you're in, you can blame all ills on the ubiquitous lack of funding, the Republicans or, in the case of the Climate Commies, the fact that weather changes.  Sadly, some current Republicans get guilted into signing on to some of the nanny legislation whenever they're accused of being against the children. The first thing the GOP needs to do is send this group home and get some candidates who understand the differences between the parties' philosophies. 

Which brings us to the fat kids. What the United States lacks in domestic fuel production we make up for in the production of porky pre-teens. When teachers complain of classrooms that are too full they are often merely describing how much room these little Oompa-Loompas take up.  

I'm going to muddy this discussion up by introducing some casual empiricism. Go to a mall this holiday season, sit on a bench for a while and watch the people. See how many fat kids have fat parents in tow. One might come to the conclusion that all of this chubbiness is beginning at home. Naturally, the best place to remedy this is to go after the Ho-Ho's (can we still call them that?) and Ding-Dongs at school. 

It all seems so heart-warming and laden with altruism, doesn't it? Wait, what's this?

This same article mentions that leaders are more optimistic than ever about enacting the legislation because "...leaders in the food and beverage industry have had a hand in creating the new standards." Hmm, might these leaders of industry have some new products that just happen to fit those new standards? I'm no journalist (I'm a Republican so I'm not allowed in that club), but I bet a little digging might find some new, improved and perhaps even more expensive snacks waiting in the wings.

I can already hear my liberal friends saying, "So what's wrong with that? At least the kids will have healthier choices at school!"

What's wrong is that many of these kids will still have the parents at home who are feeding them fried ice cream and pork rinds for breakfast. Afternoons will still be spent munching on the unhealthy snacks that those same industry leaders will still have on the shelves and sitting down in front of the computer or TV. It's like trying to fix a broken leg by just giving the patient crutches without a cast. 

In the end, all this does is give some parents a scapegoat and the feds another chance to weasel their way into kids' lives. 

The kids don't need more carrot sticks at school, they need parents who provide good examples and teach them to make good choices. No government can do that. If the parents can't say "No" to junk food the kids have very little chance of learning, even if Tom Harkin wants to help.